ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
