I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
