I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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