We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
