im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
