you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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