Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
