I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
