recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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