I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
