Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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