i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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