My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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