There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
