I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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