Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
