I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
