You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
