I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
