one two three fourrrrnication!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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