I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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