My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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