I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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