so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
