I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
