my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
