woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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