You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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