3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
