and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
