I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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