I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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