I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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