Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
