Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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