I'd wear matching sweaters with you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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