you traded sex for a burrito?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
