oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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