I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
