Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
