im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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