i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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