You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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