Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
