So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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