omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
