u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My ATM looks so different sober.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
