i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
