So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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