I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
