my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
