Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
