how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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