Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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