I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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