Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
